Oh wait, no, I actually just like to feed my kid.
So today I was reading some comments on YouTube below a video about breastfeeding. If you've been on any mommy site (or the Internet in general) this year, then I'm sure you've seen at least one person put down and someone else defend breastfeeding.
Now, I really don't think this should be a big issue, since the beginning of time, women have been squirting milk out of their boobies, so it's literally the most natural thing in the world, but lately our melons have been under scrutiny even more than usual.
Women have been asked to leave restaurants, warned they are committing indecent exposure, hidden in public bathrooms, and jeered at all because they had a hungry child.
Now, I'm all for being modest, but once you become a mommy, your personal comfort goes out the proverbial window and only what your child needs matters. More people have seen me naked than I ever want to admit since first getting pregnant.
But, since the childless strangers are so much more wise than us mommies who have experienced the little monsters we call children, let us turn to some of their 'expert' advice on how to keep society comfortable and free from our non-sexy boobs.
1. "Just use a cover up! There's no reason that we should have to see your chest!"
What a brilliant idea, I had never thought of that. Oh wait...yes I have. While I'm all for covering my child's head with a blanket and smothering him while he tries to eat, he has other plans. Anytime I try to preserve society's very high modesty standard, this wild creature throws a kink in my decency, and pulls off my cover up. Silly child, he doesn't understand that his source of food is only okay if it's on a Victoria Secret model.
2. "Go to the bathroom and feed them in there, we don't need to see your nasty mom boobs."
Ah, the public toilets, what a sanitary, safe, comfortable place to feed my very vulnerable newborn...said no mom ever. If my boobs offend you, why don't you take your meal to the bathroom, then you won't see my offensive milk-makers!
3. "Just stay home during the time your kid is nursing."
What a brilliant plan! I would love to isolate myself from any other adult interaction, there's nothing I love more than hearing nothing but my own frazzled thoughts, whining, and indiscernible baby babble all day long. And forget trying to teach my kid how to behave in public, I'll just let him think that nobody except mommy and daddy even exist, that won't make him a complete menace when he's ready to join society in a few years, right?
4. "Just pump milk and bring a bottle with you. You're just being lazy if you don't."
Yes, I'm being lazy because I don't have the time (or willpower) to pump milk before I go anywhere. And getting that bottle when my kid wanted it ten minutes ago? Walk in the park. Plus, ya know I can totally predict exactly how much milk he's going to want, kids are extremely predictable, they would never do something like decide to grow and be more hungry or not be that hungry and waste all that liquid gold. Yeah, because I want to add all the work to my already hectic day and carry even more stuff when I go out...not.
Ah, the wisdom of those who have not yet procreated. It must be nice to know so much about raising children. I hope that you don't suddenly loose all that knowledge when it comes time to have your own, with all that great wisdom, you won't struggle as much as the rest of us. How lovely for you.
On a serious note, I am going to feed my child whenever and wherever he needs to be fed. No, I will not intentionally flash my boobs if I can help it, but it's an inevitability. It will happen, and when it does, I'm just going to smile at the little maniac attached to my breast and ignore the haters.
Cheers!
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