Worth the Wait

I'm sorry you guys! I've kind of disappeared for a while.

Don't think I abandoned you completely though, I have started to write on several occasions, always ready with my research to write something that would help you learn something new, or open you eyes to something you had never thought of before.

But every time I started to write I would get distracted and then loose all motivation.

Why haven't I been writing?

To be completely honest with you guys, I met a boy.



I know, I know, it's terrible of me to abandon my beautiful blog, but I almost couldn't help it. He's very good at distracting me from writing.

You know all the times I wrote about waiting until God brings you the person he wants you to be with? And you know how hard I said it was? Well, it is hard, the waiting, and I always thought it would be really hard to know when you had found the right person.

Okay, story time.

As I'm sure you might have guessed, I was battling depression late last year, which is why I wrote such...dark things sometimes.

And I was depressed because I was feeling 'forever alone'. I felt like nobody wanted me, that I wasn't good enough, and I wondered what was wrong with me that nobody ever seemed to want me.

Then, in like, September, my Mom had a food co-op going. People were supposed to drop their checks off to her, and so a lot of people met us in town or something. Some people came to our house though.

This is when I first met Jesse. And I totally blew him off.

Yes, that's right, I basically ignored him. I kept right on sweeping and listening to my music and just kind of nodded towards them.

Later that day, Jesse sent me a friends request on Facebook. I had already forgotten who he was and had to ask my mom.

I accepted his friends request and we talked a little bit, but I was preoccupied and very quickly forgot about Jesse.

I know this sounds horrible, but I was honestly kind of annoyed with him at first. He kept saying kind of flirty stuff to me and asking me to go out with him, and every time I came up with an excuse as to why I couldn't go. Eventually, I just asked him to leave me alone, and he did. For a while anyway.

Time passed, and I mostly forgot about Jesse. I was dealing with what I felt like was huge issues, and I was sinking deeper and deeper into depression. I was obsessed with one single person, but that person only used me. During that time, someone else came back into my life that I had been trying to avoid and really stirred up some trouble.

Long story short, I spent December crying all the time and struggling to keep myself from loosing it, but by January, I was sure I had lost my mind and didn't know what to do with myself. I felt like the world was a dark and sinister place that I didn't want to be a part of, and I was thinking of every way possible to leave the life I knew behind and disappear forever.

I don't even remember exactly how this happened, my mind was so frazzled and destroyed, but Jesse started talking to me again. Just a little bit.

Then he asked me if I would like to go to the movies with him and his dad. By that point, I was so angry and the world and so lost in hopelessness that  I figured, "What the heck? Why not?"

So I said yes. He never said anything about it being a date anyway, and it's not like I wanted it to be a date.

Then I started wondering if he did mean it as a date. So I asked him. He got excited and asked me if I wanted it to be. And for some reason, before I could even think about it or stop myself, I said yes.

So we went to see the movie Ride Along, with his sister and her boyfriend, so it was more of a double date.

I surprisingly had a lot of fun, even though it was slightly awkward, but mostly Jesse just set me at ease.

I saw him a few more times (actually, I think it was only two or three more times) over the next two(I think) weeks.

Then, when we were on the way back from a friends house, I did something that I still don't understand. It's like whatever force had made me say yes to a date was controlling me again. I mentioned to him that we had been going out for a while, and wondered what did that mean.

By the time we got back to the house, we had both agreed that we wanted to date each other. Like I said, I don't know why I did that, normally, had a boy asked me to date him, I would have uncomfortably avoided the subject until I got home and then never spoken to that boy again. But I was the one that started the conversation, I was the one who suggested it, I was the one who very calmly said yes, I would love to be his girlfriend.

So far, everything seemed very out of character for me. But the thing is, it didn't feel wrong. And suddenly, the depression was just gone. Things stopped looking so dark, the world brightened up again. Before, waking up in the morning was the one thing I dreaded most, I hated having to get out of bed and face a new day. After that, I couldn't wait to get up, because I always had a sweet 'good morning' text to look forward to.

I've always been very shy around boys, especially if I thought that they liked me. Not around Jesse though, for some reason, I'm completely comfortable around him.

I went from hating all humans and wishing I was dead, to the sun shining and loving everything about life, all in a few short days. God used Jesse to saved me from a dark pit that I might never have risen from otherwise.

If you've been reading my blog, then you know that I've always been the kind of girl who won't just give herself away to anyone. I wanted to make sure that whoever I was going to love was going to take care of me and love me back, not just use me. I didn't want to be 'cheap'.

For a while, I thought that I was being too hard on people, and I would never find someone. I almost gave up, I almost gave in to the lies the world tells you about love and dating and relationships. But I didn't.

I just want to encourage any young ladies out there who feel like they will be 'forever alone'. God has someone out there for you. And I know it's hard to believe, but when He knows you are ready, He will bring that special someone to you, you don't have to go look for him.

Sorry I disappeared for so long you guys, I'm going to try and not do that again. I hope that I can be an encouragement to you all.

Also, I want to thank anyone who stuck with me during the time that I was going a little bit crazy. I'm sure my posts reflected that a little bit sometimes, even though I tried to keep it under control.

Love you guys, I'm glad to be back.

Oh, and I'm sorry that this post was kind of different than my usual posts, I just really wanted to share this with you guys.

Cheers!!!!