Looking for Superman

My husband and I have been married for a little over 7 months now. We are expecting our first baby in about 10 weeks.

I was 18 years old when I married Jesse, he turned 21 the week after our wedding. At the time of our wedding, we had only known each other since about September of the previous year, and only been dating for 3 months. When he proposed, we got married a month later.

Some people, no doubt, say that things went way too quickly, and that we barely had time to get to know each other first. I had several close friends ask me if I was sure I knew what I was doing when we first announced our engagement.

Well, I'll just tell you, of course I didn't know what I was doing. I still don't know what I'm doing. But it wouldn't have mattered if we had waited 10 more years, I would have no idea what I'm doing. You can never know what you're doing until you've done it.

It's a common idea that you have to date around and get to know lots of people before you settle down and decide on 'The One'. You have to spend months and sometimes years with a person before you can check everything off your list for Mr. (or Mrs.) Right.

When people find out how young we are, and how happy we are with each other, they often roll their eyes and laugh and tell us "Just wait, the fights will come" or "You'll get tired of each other eventually."

If there is one thing that really bothers me, it's when people tell us that we are going to be unhappy. They say it as if it's inevitable, like being married means that suddenly you're going to be a thorn in the side of the one who loves you most.

People act as if being married means that you are 'tied down' and you have no freedom, like you loose your individuality, like you're stuck with someone forever and that you're going to loath every minute of it.

Sure, that might be how it feels to people who are so wrapped up in themselves that they can't see past the end of their own nose, or to people who just enjoy sleeping with anything that moves, but that's an awful way to view marriage.

Before I got married, I was warned that I might get post-marriage depression. I guess it's from loosing your 'freedom'. Getting married means putting someone else's needs before your own, so no more late nights out, shared space, making sure another person has food, etc...

But I never got that. I love cooking for Jesse. I love washing his laundry. I love making the bed (when my giant baby belly isn't in the way) so that he's comfortable when he lays down at night.

And it's not just the wifely things that I love. I love that he's comfortable complaining to me about the rest of the world. I love that he shares his food with me. I love that he asks me to come with him when he's leaving the house, instead of just rushing off.

Jesse isn't just my husband, he's my best friend. I have never felt more myself than when I'm with him. I can be totally open about how I feel, and he can as well. We don't have to hide the little things from each other like when we were dating (I'm talking about not worrying about if there is something in your teeth on a date, or almost exploding from holding in your farts around them). The pressure to perform is gone, now it's just me and him, being ourselves, about to be parents together.

I never once have questioned my choice to marry Jesse. I do not think I was too young. I'm not sad that I didn't get to 'discover myself' before we got married because I am discovering myself every day with him.

I know life isn't always going to be a walk in the park, it already isn't. The world is a harsh place, and there are always going to be things that are going to be tough to get through. But I know I can get through anything because Jesse is going through it with me.

Marriage isn't about a great sex life, or having a ton of money for vacations, or about the size of your family. It's not about the butterflies in your stomach, or the lovey-dovey feelings you get, or about buying each other gifts. It's about being with someone who you can spend every day with and still love them, it's about having someone to lean on in tough times, and being there when they need to lean on someone. It's about having a partner through everything.

I hope that our son turns our like his daddy. I hope that he grows up thinking about others more than himself, I hope that he's wise enough to know how to support his family in hard times, I hope he learns from others mistakes so he doesn't have to make them himself. I hope that he loves his future wife so much that even when she swells up like a balloon from pregnancy, he still calls her beautiful.

I'm sure people reading this will think "oh, she's just seeing things through newly-wed glasses, she'll wake up to the hard truth one day."

If I'm wrong, and I'm just delusional, than I plan on being delusional forever. My life may not be perfect, and I don't expect it to ever be. I don't expect to have a 'perfect relationship' either, because nobody out there can define a perfect relationship.

But this relationship is perfect for me. I didn't come into this marriage with expectations of marrying a super-human who never said the wrong thing and always brought me chocolate when I wanted it, I came into this marriage knowing that I was marrying an imperfect human who loved me.

I think the reason people become unhappy in their marriage is when they realize that things aren't as perfect as they expected them to be. We have to realize that mistakes will happen, sacrifices will have to be made, we will fall on hard times, we won't always agree, and that life is messy.

But if you know what a mess your life will be, you will realize how beautiful that mess can be, if only you look at it right. I love Jesse, and I know he loves me, and no matter what happens, that isn't going to change.

So to all you people out there looking for their Mr or Mrs Right, take off your rosy colored glasses, look at people for who and what they are: messy, imperfect humans. Don't expect to find Superman if you can't appreciate Clark Kent.

You might not find your other half at 17 like I did, it might be much longer, but be patient, waiting for God to bring them to you is extremely rewarding. And when you find 'The One', don't waste years 'testing' to make sure you're compatible, when you know you love someone, you just know. Waiting when you don't have to is a waste of time.

Love you guys, I hope that this is an encouragement to someone out there.

Cheers!!!!